TWSTBE – Founder’s Husband - Part 1

Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers out there, whether its grown up kids, little kids, babies, babies-in-womb, angel babies and ever furry babies.  

Here is Part 1 of my husband's story of our journey.   I love you, sweetie.  Your strength has kept me strong as well. 

TWSTBE – Founder’s Husband

Part 1

My wife mentioned to me that she wanted to start a blog. We had tossed around the idea of one a few times before, but when she said she wanted to be about our miscarriages, I was relieved.

It had been a year since our first miscarriage and quite honestly, I didn’t feel we were healing from our losses. We had been visiting a family counselor/therapist and she was helping us achieve our goal, but we still needed something to tie it altogether. We wanted something that would not only help us, but help others who went through similar incidents.

 So, this is a blog for women (and men) who have been through miscarriages and/or infertility. She asked me to write our story from my point of view so that men could also find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone in what they have experienced.

On May 6^th, 2013 I was extremely anxious. It was the day of our first sonogram and I was so pumped to see our baby. We had only tried for a few months, maybe three and we were pregnant. At this time, my mind was racing with what color to paint the nursery, what car seat is the safest, where could my child go to college. These thoughts were normal for first time parents; we were ready to start a new chapter in our lives.

Once we arrived, they make the wife/girlfriend/fiance’/baby holder take one more pregnancy test and the doctor said it showed pregnant. At this time, I secretly breathed a sigh of relief thinking that health wise, everything was ok. However, once the sonogram began, we received a quick and sudden dose of reality. There was a sac present but it looked like a dark hole. In my mind, questions began to arise. Was the machine broken? Where’s the baby, don’t we normally see something? Are we not that far along? In our relationship, I’m the optimistic one. I thought the doctor will tell us it’s all good or that we needed to show patience, etc. Boy, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The doctor stated that we had a blight ovum which is when egg and sperm conceive together but a child never develops. It’s more or less the equivalent of a false positive pregnancy where the body has all the symptoms of pregnancy but no child present. Our doctor is a straight forward and honest person which we appreciate, but I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that I wasn’t a father yet.

The doctor and I had this back and forth conversation: Her hormone level is too low. It can bounce back. No, it can’t. We could have the baby start to develop next time we’re here. No, it can’t. Isn’t there hormone shots, pills, anything that could help kick start development? No, there isn’t.

When I came to realize that this wasn’t our time, I went through the whole range of emotions. My first reaction to our news was getting my wife back to health. She still hadn’t physically miscarried and getting her back to health was priority one. Subconsciously, I had gone into father mode. Father mode is when you protect your family with all your might and will keep everything or everyone away. It was a two person wolfpack and I needed to nurse my wife back to health. Once she was back to normal, which took a few months, we took a break from trying for a family.

 
I asked myself typical questions: What did we do wrong? What did we do to deserve this agony? Why can’t we have a baby, aren’t we good people? I had come to realize that our next child is a blessing and I will cherish it that much more once it arrives.