TWSTBE Founder Husband Part 2

My wonderful husband gives the second part to his story.

My Love,  Thank you for being my rock and for being beside me through all of this.  

TWSTBE Founder's  Husband Story Part II

A few months pass after our miscarriage and we get back to trying again. By the way, I have done a few challenging things in my life which test your mental and physical capabilities, but conceiving a child is definitely near the top of the list. We have this 72 hour window which is ‘prime time’ and everything else must come to a stop in order for this to happen. You have to forget about the big meeting at work, the bills that keep coming in the mail, the headache she has, the stomach ache you have from a big lunch, the argument you just had about what our plans are for the next holiday. It must all be put on hold to make this child and it can be difficult.

The good news for us was we were pregnant again! We have friends and family that warned us that conceiving could take a while… even a few years. We felt extremely lucky/blessed/grateful that we had conceived both times within four months of really trying.

Our next doctor visit was the first visit times 100. We were optimistic but very cautious as we had been here before. At the time of the sonogram, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world: it was the heartbeat of my child. Nothing could describe the relief that once again we felt. It looked like the Starship Enterprise with this huge, strong heartbeat and we started to get the parenting feeling again. We of course, asked our doctor some questions (for those who know my wife, she has her legendary lists and it had about 30ish questions listed).The question that stuck out at the appointment was this: What are the chances/percentages of miscarrying again? 5%, once we hear a heartbeat at 12 weeks, it’s 100% good to go. Our optimism at that time blossomed and we started to decide how we were to tell our parents, friends, and other family. With our news being so close to Christmas, we decided to tell everyone in person. It hit right at about 10-11 weeks and with it so close to 12, we couldn’t contain our excitement anymore! By our annual New Year’s party, most of our family and friends were told  our news and everyone felt happy for us. It was a great way to start 2014 and we thought this was going to be a great year for us.

However, once again, we received a swift kick to the head. On the Saturday following New Year’s, my wife started to bleed more than what is normal. Spotting is quite normal, but this was different. We decided to go to an Elite Care (ER clinic) nearby. They started to run the usual tests to begin and we were told we would have a sonogram. During the sonogram, the doctor informed us that she couldn’t find a heartbeat and the baby looked like it was only 8 weeks along. This was quite a shock to us as we were a few days from 12 weeks and we should have been good to go. The doctor there informed us that we would have a miscarriage again and to speak with wife’s OB/GYN to speak about options on Monday. Would it be natural? Would we have to do a D&C? On Sunday evening, a day before talking to the doctor, my wife really started to feel pain. She was bleeding even worse than the previous day and her abdomen pain was excruciating. This was unlike anything she had experienced and unlike anything I had seen before as well. Her body would have these sudden pains and then it would go away. At 1:30 AM, we went to the ER again. Our OB/GYN office suggested we go after we discussed what was occurring. They ran the same tests as Saturday and we got to the sonogram portion of the visit. During the sonogram, we saw nothing. We then realized that what happened at home was the natural passing of our child. We were devastated and started the grieving process again. The craziest part of this was in a span of 36 hours, we went from future parents to what felt like nothing. This was the hardest part for both of us. I went from a dad who was ready to start transforming his house and lifestyle to bring a child into the world to just another guy who dreams of fatherhood. I had moments of rage where I wanted to punch out walls or drink until I had passed out. I had depths of sadness that I never experienced. I had moments of crazy where I thought the movie ‘Raising Arizona’ was an actual contingency plan for having a baby.

Through all that we went through, we came out so much stronger on the other side. We got her back to health, we have plans for fixing the house, and we have paid off debt to prepare for our future family. The best part of all of this is that the miscarriages are a part of us, but they do not define us as a couple.

We hope that in sharing our story we allow others to see that they are not alone. Miscarriages and infertility are both a weird badge of honor. When you meet others who have shared that situation, you know the pain and suffering that has occurred. We hope that those who read or share can find the comfort and peace that we have achieved.