Thank you, Vizzini.
Since my
wife was not pregnant after a year and half of not-preventing, I decided to get
checked. (It’s easiest to check the man
first). I went to the Presbyterian
hospital where they put me in a room and asked me to ejaculate in a cup. They had a porno playing of a huge ugly old
black dude pounding a cute little young white girl. That just didn't do it for me. I was able to get one out anyway, but it was
weak. I wasn't surprised when the
results came back showing a low sperm count.
After a few
weeks of wondering if I should try again without the Presbyterian porno, I
setup an appointment with a urologist. He
pointed out a couple spots in my scrotum that my primary care physician said
was “just fine” several years earlier.
He called it “varicocele”, otherwise known as varicose veins in my
scrotum. From what I understand, the
veins just above my pubic area don’t have adequate valves to prevent a back-flow
of blood. It drains down into my
testicles, and overheats my sperm. My
blood kills my sperm. He asked for a
second semen sample. I worked it out at
home without the Presbyterian porno and delivered way above normal volume, I’m
proud to say. However, the sperm count
was still just as low.
I’m
scheduled for surgery in a few weeks.
The doc will simply crimp and cut the veins causing the problem. My odds of impregnating my wife are expected
to go up from less than 5% to about 70%.
Plans and progress are encouraging.
I wish I had gotten checked a lot earlier.
My wife went
ahead and got checked too. She recently
started bleeding all the time whether or not she was on her period. I had a hard time convincing her that I was
not grossed out by the blood. Really, I’m
not. My wife is super sexy even if she doesn't feel like it. She started crying one day and said between
sobs, “what’s wrong with me”? It turns
out that she has a blocked fallopian tube and a bunch of polyps in her uterus
which often causes infertility. She too
is scheduled for surgery in a few weeks whereby her polyps will be removed and
biopsied. There is a good chance that
the surgery will clear up the other fallopian tube, but having just one tube is
enough either way. Her doc said it is a “perfect”
fallopian tube.
The combination
of her polyps and my varicocele has inspired us to consider jumping straight to
in-vitro after her surgery. For the time
being, we decided that we will both get surgery and decide whether or not to do
in-vitro sometime after the surgeries. (By
the way, in-vitro costs $13k per try with no guarantees).
So, here we
are. I’ve wanted to have a large family
since I was 20 and find myself approaching my mid-thirties with more ambiguity
than certainty. I wouldn't quite say I’m devastated by all this, but I am getting a bit anxious. My primary fantasy through most of my life is
to have a family. I find a great deal of
comfort in the steps we are taking.
Getting pregnant is supposed to be so easy that we must proactively
prevent it until it’s time to stop preventing.
Well, it’s not easy for my wife and me. It’s not impossible either.
In the
mean-time I’m addressing my varicocele-induced low testosterone with Tamoxifen,
a breast cancer medication that gives me night sweats. Who would have thought I’d end up taking boob
medicine for low testosterone and suffering menopause symptoms? The pink website of Susan G Komen has been
helpful for me to understand the side effects.
I think this
an important blog since miscarriages and infertility often come along with existential
feelings of “what’s wrong with me”? My wife asked that specific question in
tears and I feel the need to let perfect strangers know I’m good in the size
and performance department. Reproducing is
one of the biggest biological goals of life.
It’s only natural that it’s an important subject to discuss, and it’s
only natural that it inspires some of the strongest feelings possible.
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